Lost in Every Way
by estrafalaria103
Summary: Massive parody of everything possible in the story, including an OC parallel storyline. Includes all characters, all relationships, all ridiculous jokes I could think of.
1. Chapter 1

Previously on LOST

A man, Jack opens his eyes, staring around him in amazement. He appears to be in a jungle, with a single shoe above his head. He runs through the leaves and brush until he sees an enormous plane wreck, burning fire, people screaming, basic carnage. He stares in horror.

Sawyer is cutting wood when Kate appears behind him.

"What do you want, Sawyer?" She asks him. He smiles at her, flashing dimples.

"Hell, Freckles, all I want's a kiss," he replies. She stares at him in disbelief.

Michael is walking through the woods when he suddenly comes upon a half-naked Sun, washing. They stare at each other, surprised. Embarrassed, Michael hands her a bra and walks past.

Charlie and Hurley attempt to spear a fish.

Jack, Locke, Charlie, and Sayid walk over to Sawyer. Jack hands the other man a gun and asks him to join them in the fun sport of Ethan-hunting. Sawyer smiles and agrees to come. Kate walks up and demands to come. Off-handedly Jack refuses, but Sawyer reaches into his tent and gives her a gun. Jack looks at the two of them in disappointment.

Jin walks around without a shirt.

Ana-Lucia bitch-slaps some people.

Kate and Sawyer have a pleasant swim in a lagoon which is never pictured again, despite the fact that many of the other survivors would also probably enjoy a swim, even if there are dead people floating in the bottom.

Charlie and Hurley do a scary golf-dance.

Jack hauls Sawyer into a shower to bring down the fever from the infection in his shoulder. Kate stands in the doorway, a look of fear and grief expressed on her face. Jack, seeing her then, yells at her to leave and get gauze. Later, he attempts to force-feed Sawyer anti-biotics, but seems unable to get the other man to swallow. Kate sweettalks the redneck, and he swallows. Jack looks disappointed.

Mr. Eko grabs a Scripture Stick and takes out half of the force of the Others. Charlie takes out Ethan. Ana takes out Goodwin. The Others: 1. Survivors: 6.

Boone dies. Shannon takes refuge in Sayid's arms. Sayid attempts to comfort Shannon with some consolation sex. It appears to work pretty well.

Jin and Michael have it out over a watch. Right guys. . .a watch. More like a SUNdial.

Charlie and Hurley attempt to sing to baby Turnip-Head.

Sawyer lies in bed, shivering, with Jack attentive at the side of the bed. Sawyer convulses, licks his lips, and mutters "I love her."

Jack looks disappointed.

Right. So. Begin scene. . .NOW.

The young woman suddenly opened her eyes, only to close them immediately as the noon sun blazed down directly. Attempting to sit up, she groaned, reaching toward her lower back and then placing the hand on her head. More composed, she opened her eyes again.

She looked around in confusion. The last thing she could remember was being in a plane, headed out to Sydney with two of her best friends. They had hit a bit of turbulence, and after that her mind went completely blank. She took the hand down from her head, not particularly surprised to see it coated with sticky blood. Well, at least she'd have a scar to prove that her head fucking _hurt_.

She stood up, repressing a groan as she did so, and looked around. Above her there hung a single, pink shoe. Alyson's, she realized, and jumped up, just barely managing to grab a shoelace, and pulling it back down. All right. Now that she had one shoe, a splitting headache, and no idea where she was, it was time to form a plan.

Based on her current condition, she decided that the best plan was just to place one foot in front of the other.

Meanwhile. . .on the beach. . .

Jack kept looking nervously toward the jungle. Knowing his luck, Kate would be back any moment, insisting that she be allowed to accompany them into the jungle. He couldn't stand for that. In the first place, it would be dangerous, and he hated the idea of the beautiful woman being in danger. In the second, somebody had to stay behind on the beach, that people would listen to. After all, he was the doctor, and when he was gone, everything was in shambles.

Admittedly, people could go talk to Sayid, but all they would find was a blubbering puddle of Iraqi Republican Guard, who would tell them for hours "we were strangers. . .but I loved her." There was Mr. Eko, but he would just quote Scripture. Jack could just picture the conversation:

"Hey, Mr. Eko, it looks like The Others are trying to kill everyone!"

"And the Lord speakest and say 'turn the other cheek'"

No, that wouldn't work. Charlie always liked to help out. Then again, Charlie's idea of helping had resulted in one fish, a tiny section of a golf course, and a baby bundle. Not exactly the best representatives of leadership. Sun was level-headed, but most of the survivors didn't even know she spoke English. Hurley. . .no. He just had to laugh at that idea.

Which left Kate. Good old dependable Kate. Admittedly, he could have left Locke behind, but that would just be silly. He was a doctor, not a tracker. He could have left Jin behind. But Jin didn't speak English anyway, so that would have been useless. He could have left Sawyer. But he didn't want to.

"Are we ready to go?" Locke asked, walking over. He smiled around a mouthful of cantelope. Jack sighed. He just didn't understand why the bald man couldn't just eat fruit like any normal person.

"Yes, we're ready!" Michael almost screamed. "We need to find my son!"

"Walt," Jin said helpfully. Michael tearfully hugged the other man.

"That's right! Walt's my son! My son!"

Jack sighed. It would be a long trip. He turned to the final member of their little expedition party. "Sawyer?" he asked. "Are you ready to go?"

"Ready and rearin'," Sawyer drawled. "But I gotta say, Doc, the shoulder's hurting a bit. . ."

"Don't worry," Jack said curtly. "I'll take care of it." Sawyer just stared at him for a minute. Jack shrugged, his eyes darting quickly away. "Besides, we need everyone who can handle a gun."

"I can handle a gun," a female voice interrupted. Jack tried to stifle a groan.

"You're not coming, Kate," he told her.

"But I wanna," she whined. Sawyer smiled at her.

"Listen, Freckles, if all you need is a gun. . ."

"They're gone," Jack interrupted. Everyonoe stared at him. He shifted uncomfortably under the weight of their combined gazes. "I mean. . .Locke changed the combination. We can't get to them."

Locke raised his hand. "I'm right here. I know what I changed it to. . ."

"No time," Jack said. "Come on guys, time to go."

"Walt?" Jin asked. Everyone nodded indulgently at him.

"Ja-ack," Katie whined again. Jack just shrugged his shoulders and walked off.

"Sorry, sweetcheeks," Sawyer shrugged, actually looking genuinely concerned for once. Kate crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. She stomped her foot once on the ground angrily before wandering off. Jack glanced over his shoulder quickly, just to assure himself that she was gone .He allowed himself the slightest smile before continuing.

Meanwhile. . .

"Do you have. . .an ace?" Danielle Rousseau asked. Desmond shook his head.

"Sorry, sistah. Go fish." As the Frenchwoman drew a card, he looked around the table at the other players. "All right, my turn. . .um. . .Security System, go fish."

And yet again the game wa stalled as everybody realized that the huge blob of black smoke was unable to pick up a card.


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile. . .

The woman finally broke out of the coverage of the forest after walking in a direct circle for two hours. She wiped the sweat off her brow and looked at the scene of carnage before her. A single wing of the plane stood directly up in the sand, in a scene that looked as if it could only have been staged by a special effects team, a crane, and lots of wire. Attahed to the wing were three seats. Standing directly beneath the wing was a young, blond woman wearing an entirely pink outfit, and screaming at the top of her lungs. A little farther along the beach sat another young woman, this one reading a book.

Sighing, the woman walked down the beach toward the screaming blonde. "Al!" she yelled. "Al, calm down, it's okay!"

The woman continued to scream.

"It's okay!" The woman yelled again. She held up her arm. "Look! I found your shoe!"

The girl immediately stopped screaming. Instead, a brilliant smile lit her face as she walked forward to grab the shoe. The second she stepped out of the way, the wing fell to the ground. She didn't even notice as she grabbed the shoe and put it on her foot.

"Thanks, Jess!" she said brightly. "I thought I would be the victim of a fashion disaster for a minute there!"

Jess sighed and rolled her eyes, before jerking a finger toward the other woman on the beach. "Is Ames all right?"

Alyson nodded her head. "Yeah. Some book about bunnies randomly washed up on the beach, and even though it had been in the water, none of the pages were waterlogged or ruined, so she's reading it."

"Oh," Jess nodded. "Cool."

Meanwhile. . .

Charlie and Hurley sat, a melancholy pair against hte brilliant pinks and reds of the setting sun. Charlie picked up a small rock off the beach, and threw it in the water.

"Dude," Hurley sighed. Charlie nodded his head.

"Dude."

"I can't believe she just kicked you out," Hurley said. "That just, like. . .sucks."

"Yeah," Charlie sighed. "Just because I'm a drug addict who obsesses about a random kid that isn't my own, and even though she'd only know me for a week and yet I live with her, and even though I have really furry hobbit feet, doesn't mean that she should want to break up with me."

"Dude."

"Dude."

"Libby kicked me out, too," Hurley said. Charlie looked at him for a moment, disbelief written across his face. (It couldn't, after all, be written across his fingers, because the right ones already said "FATE" and the left said "JATE.")

"I didn't even know you were going out! That's bloody brilliant!"

"Well, we weren't," Hurley admitted. "But if we had been, she would have kicked me out."

Meanwhile. . .

"So, Michael, what suddenly made you want to go into the forest?" Jack asked, as he pulled alongside the younger man. Michael looked at him wide-eyed.

"No reason, man, no reason," he said. Jack looked at him, a little confused at the frantic tone in his friend's voice, but decided that it was probably just a result of his worry about his son. Meanwhile, Locke was muttering to himself.

"Isn't it funny?" he asked nobody in particular, although Sawyer glanced over at him. "We're got Jack Shepard. . .the good shepherd. . .and Michael the avenging angel. And James and John. . ."

"Jin!" The Asian man said suddenly, holding up his hand. Locke just stared at him a moment before returning to his mumbling.

"Locke and Rousseau. . .Ethan and Goodwin. . .hey. . .Good. . .wins. . .yes. . ."

"So, Doc," Sawyer said, sauntering up beside Jack. "Why were you so damn hellbent on keeping the woman behind?"

Jack continued to look ahead, not allowing himself to give any notice to the man beside him. "I didn't want her to get hurt."

"Well, damn," Sawyer said. Jack could hear the smile in his voice. "She been in worse situations than this one here. What's the real reason, Hero?"

Jack decided not the answer the man. He wouldn't like the answer, anyway.

"STOP!" Michael suddenly screamed. Everybody stopped and turned to stare at him. He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. "Got a text message," he shrugged, and then looked at his phone. He stared at the screen for a long moment, before nodding his head.

"Come on, guys, take a left. Walt's that way."

Sawyer leaned in close to Jack, his breath tickling the other man's face. "Hey, doc," he said. "Thought we didn't have no reception here."

"We don't," Jack replied. "But the other day I saw him typing messages to Walt on the computer. We don't have AIM, either, last time I checked."

"Eh," Sawyer pursed his lips, and nodded his head. Jack really hated it when he pursed his lips. "So Daddy's gone a little loco."

"I'm sure it's a stress disorder," Jack said shortly. "Anyway, that way's as good as any other."

"Well by all means then." Sawyer gestured ahead with his injured shoulder, apparently not noticing that even though he had been at death's door three days ago, had miraculously recovered in two days, and was now traipsing though the jungle, his shoulder didn't hurt. "Tally ho."

Meanwhile. . .

"Okay, guys, listen, we're going to have to assign some different jobs to make sure we survive long enough for people to rescue us," Jess said. "Somebody is going to have to go into the forest to try and get some fruit for us to eat."

"Oh, I'll do it!" Alyson offered. "I don't know what's safe and what isn't. Will that be a problem?"

"I'll do it," Amy said, quickly marking her page with a disconnected finger she found lying amid the reckage. "I'm sure there's some mango."

"Good," Jess nodded her head. "Alyson, why don't you go through all of the luggage that you can find, and see if there isn't anything useful we can do."

The two girls went off to being their jobs, while Jess sat back down on the sand. She reached into the sand, and pulled out a Virgin Mary statue. Well, she thought, if that wasn't just the weirdest thing ever. She was going to pull it up and pray, when her finger went straight through the thin enamel. She pulled out a small plastic baggie. She poked at it.

"Wel.l. . ." she said. "It's either got to be sugar or heroin. And somehow I don't think anyone needs to smuggle sugar."

Shrugging, she placed the statue and its contents to the side, before heading into the jungle to gather some firewood. By the time that she returned, Alyson and Amy were sitting down, eating some of the mangoes Amy had gathered.

"Does it seem weird to anybody else that out of our entire, gigantic plane, only the wing and three seats survived?" Amy asked. The other two women nodded their heads. "And doesn't it seem weird," she said, "that we survived without any serious injuries?" The other two girls nodded their heads. "Okay. Just checking."

"You know," Alyson said through a mouth full of papaya. "This isn't really that bad. It's pretty, I have my pink shoes, and we even have sugar!" She held up a small plastic baggie.

Meanwhile. . .

"Men SUCK!" Kate exclaimed, sitting down heavily on the ground. Sun looked up at her in surprise.

"Really?" she asked, an interested expression on her face. "Because with Jin and me, I'm usually the one who does the sucking. . ."

"Whoa!" Claire exclaimed, sinking down beside the two women. "Sun, I don't think that's exactly what Kate meant."

"But she said. . .oh," Sun flushed. "I suppose it's one of those English idiosyncracies that I usually instinctively know. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Kate replied.

"So who's the bad one this time?" Claire asked. For once Aaron wasn't in her arms, leaving her free to curl them around her updrawn knees.

"I don't even know," Kate said, staring out to sea. "Jack wouldn't let me go into the jungle. And Sawyer. . .well, Sawyer's just too hot for his own good."

The other two women murmured their assent. Ana-Lucia and Libby came by as well, and sad down alongside them.

"Who's hot?" Libby asked.

"Sawyer," Kate said at the same moment that Sun and Claire said "Jin." The two women stared at one other.

"Well," Claire coughed uncomfortably. "He is. You really shouldn't let him out of your shelter without his shirt on." Sun made a mental note to remember that.

"Oh," Ana-Lucia nodded her head. "He's all right. Kind of a sissy, though. Just one well-aimed kick to an uncovered bullet-wounded shoulder, and he'll start hissing and screaming. I mean, it's not as though the dirt and grime from my boot would have infected his shoulder. So I still don't get what he was complaining about."

"What about the bald guy?" Libby asked. "He looks pretty smoking."

"Locke?" Ana-Lucia yelled. Sun and Kate nearly choked on their laughter, but Claire looked thoughtful.

Meanwhile

"Mr. Clean, you ain't lost, are you?" Sawyer asked with a smirk as he used a bullet-ridden shoulder to pull himself up along a vine.

Locke turned around, a furious look in his eyes. He grabbed Sawyer by his shirt collar, and then yanked him up the rest of the cliff. "Why did you call me that?" he demanded.

"I thought it'd be obvious," Sawyer said. "Give you a broom and you're the spitting image."

Locke pulled him in closer, to their brows met. Jack tensed up behind them. Locke decided to ignore the fact that Sawyer was several inches taller.

"Never call me that," he said firmly. "Don't do it, James."

"What the hell?" Sawyer looked surprised. "Why'd you call me James?"

"It was your name on the Manifesto," Locke replied, letting go of the other man and continuing to walk through the jungle. "Hurley showed me."

"Gee, that guy spills the beans a lot," Jack observed. "Maybe we should consider not telling him things."

Everyone ignored him. Everyone being Sawyer and Locke, so that wasn't saying much.

"Wait a second, GI John," Sawyer said suddenly (alliteration! Alliteration!) "If my name was listed as James Ford, how the hell'd you know it was me? How did you know Ethan was the one that weren't on the plane?"

"Because," Locke said. "The name James Ford had little hearts drawn all around it. You think anyone would find Ethan attractive?" He neglected to mention that there were also little hearts drawn around Hurley's name.

Sawyer seemed to perk up a little at that, and began walking through the jungle again. Jack followed behind the two men.

"Hey, Sawyer," he said, trying to make conversation. "Why did you decide to come out here? Was it to spend more time with me?"

"It was to get revenge," Sawyer hissed. "For them bastards that shot me."

"Oh," Jack sounded a little downcast. "Don't you think you should be more concerned with Michael?" Sawyer sneered.

"Look, doc, you got your reasons, I got mine."

"This is our Island," a voice suddenly said. Locke suddenly began to look ecstatic, and stared up at the sky.

"God?" he asked.

Ahab walked out of the jungle. He had, thankfully, exchanged his yellow slicker hat for a more appropriate African safari hat. He was still wearing suspenders.

"No, Moby, it's me," he said.

"You shot me!" Sawyer exclaimed, and pulled out his gun.

"Just warning you," Ahab said. "Don't shoot me."

"Fuck that," and Sawyer began to pull teh trigger. And was too late (again!) as a bullet grazed his ear. "Fuck!" he yelled, and put his gun down. He really had to work on his reflex shooting. That was the second time he'd tried to shoot a man and been beat out.

"Put down your guns and go home," Ahab said. Jack decided to show off and try to be heroic.

"No," he said.

"I dont' mind," Locke said, and dropped his gun.

"Put down the gun," Ahab said again.

"No," Jack said.

"Put down the gun," Ahab said.

"No," Jack said.

"Put it down," Ahab said.

"No," Jack said. He knew he was sounding ridiculous and petulant at the moment, but he didn't really know how to get out of the situation.

"I'll shoot you all," Ahab said, and pulled a rig in the jungle that set off twenty torches which effectively helped hide the one man in the trees with a gun.

"No," Jack said again.

"Fine," Ahab said. "Alex Rousseau! 16 year old girl who is clearly Danielle Rousseau's daughter! Bring Kate to me!"

A girl who looked exactly like Rousseau dragged out a bound and gagged Kate.

"Oh, dammit," Jack said.


	3. Chapter 3

Meanwhile. . .

"You know what else is really amazing?" Amy said. "The fact that even though we're on a deserted island with nothing to do but find food and wait for rescue, we still manage to always be entertained."

"And banging on random pieces of plane, and carrying it around for no discernible reason," Jess added.

Alyson, meanwhile, was happily hallucinating about a gorgeous, naked man walking out of the water. She really, really, _really_ liked the sugar that she had found. Sure, sometimes it was a little weird, like the time she'd been positive she'd seen a skinny, white little man with badly dyed blond hair trying to haul a piano out of the middle of the ocean. Or the time she would have sworn that an overweight Jesus had come to visit. But most of them were much more entertaining. Like the present one.

Which is why she expected everyone to fully understand her anger when a dripping little black boy walked directly in her line of sight.

"Hey! Get outta my way!" Alyson screamed. Jess and Amy turned around at the sound of their friend screaming. The boy seemed frightened, and after whispering something unintelligible, ran off into the jungle.

"Wait! Come back!" Jess yelled, and ran after him. Amy glared reproachingly at Alyson.

"We finally find another human being, and you just have to chase him off, don't you?"

"Unfortunately," Alyson responded, looking fornlornly at the stop from where the beautiful man had disappeared.

Meanwhile. . .

"If you touch a hair on her head. . ." Sawyer threatened, stepping forward.

"Be reasonable," Locke interjected. "They've tied her up and put a handkerchief around her mouth. Clearly they've touched more than just one hair on her head."

Sawyer glared at him, and stepped forward again. Ahab dug the gun deeper into Kate's head.

"Put down the gun, Jack," he said again. Lock looked back and forth between the doctor and the infamous seaman in confusion.

"Why are you so fixated on Jack?" he asked. "James here is the one who shot at you. Shouldn't you be more concerned about his gun?"

"Stop calling me James," Sawyer whined.

Ahab shook his head. "Jack's the main character. Now, on the count of three, I'll shoot. One."

Jack put his hand out in front of his face, looking confused. He lifted one finger.

"Two."

Jack put up two fingers, and then a third. His face lit up with horrified recognition.

"Stop!" he shouted. He threw his gun on the ground. Locke and Sawyer quickly followed. Ahab released Kate, who instantly flew into Sawyer's arms. Jack looked at them a little sadly. Did Sawyer not realize how traumatic that experience had been for him? Yet where was his comfort?

Ahab, noticing that he was being ignored, threw his hands up in the air and walked off muttering to himself. Alex and Walt joined him, without anyone noticing.

Jack, Sawyer, Kate, and Locke began walking back to the hatch. It was suddenly and miraculously daylight. Kate thought that was convenient. Jack and Sawyer didn't notice. Locke just attributed it to the Island Goddess.

'Are you mad at me, Jack?" Kate asked.

"No."

"You mad at me, doc?" Sawyer asked. Jack twitched a little.

"No."

"Are you mad at me?" Locke asked, feeling left out.

"This is just ridiculous!" Jack threw his arms in the air and stalked off on his own.

Meanwhile. . .

Charlie went crazy.

Meanwhile. . .

"I think I've seen you before," Hurley said.

"No you haven't," Libby said quickly.

"Yes, I'm sure! You were on teh plane!"

"No I wasn't."

"Here, I have a picture!" Hurley showed her a picture he had taken to show the plane (Hurley, after all, was mildly obsessed with taking photos.)

"Oh," Libby smiled. "Whoops. Guess I forgot."

"Weren't you in the psychiatric ward with me?" Hurley asked suspiciously.

"No," Libby said. "I mean, yes. I was a psychiatrist."

"No, I"m pretty sure you were the pathologic liar. . ." Hurley said slowly. Libby turned pale.

"I never lie," she said.

"Do you know who Sawyer is?" Hurley asked.

"No," Libby winced.

"What's one plus one?"

"Five."

Libby looked really ashamed now, took out a can of hairspray, and began to tease her hair to try and avoid more communication.

"IT's okay. I like crazy people. Dude, I'm kind of, you know, crazy myself."

Libby frowned for a moment. "Well. . ." she said slowly. "You're kind of fat."

Hurley looked incredibly dejected.

"But. . .Jin and Michael are in love with Sun, Sawyer's obsessed with Kate, Mr. Eko is a priest, Charlie has a bad nose, Bernard's married, Jack's gay, Sayid likes to stand in front of tents in the middle of the jungle, Ethan, Goodwin, and Boone are dead, and Walt's too young. So I guess you'll do."

Hurley let out a sigh of relief and enveloped her in his massive gut.

Meanwhile. . .

When Jess finally returned from searching for Walt, she found long furroughs in the beach, where it was clear that her friends had been dragged away.

"Aw, fuck," she said, and turned around to head back into the jungle.

Meanwhile. . .

Sun enjoyed watching John Locke. A lot. She wanted to be just like him, but when she asked Jin if she could cut her hair, he told her no. (When he asked her if he could grow out his beard she said no, even though every sexy man on the island needed a little stubble. Ha, take that, masochist!) She, she figured that she could emulate Mr. Clean anyway.

So, when it started to rain, she tilted her head up to the sky, instead of running to shelter like any normal person.

"I have looked in the face of the Island and it is beautiful," she whispered. She heard a slight snicker behind her.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Michael asked. Sun shushed him.

"Michael," she said. "We can't keep meeting like this. I'm married. That means something."

"That's not what you told me when your husband was running around in the jungle after burning my raft." Michael said. Sun sighed.

"We've been through this, Michael. Your son burned the raft."

"Oh yeah,' Mike said. "That still doesn't change anything."

"Well, it's over," Sun said. "Jin is being much nicer now. And he has a sexier body than you."

Michael decided to show her who had the sexier body, as he grabbed her by her ankles and proceeded to drag her through the jungle.

Meanwhile. . .

"Damn, that Jack has one fine body," Ana said.

"Yup, he's pretty hot," Kate agreed as she hung up some laundry.

"Do you mind if I steal him away?"

"Good luck," Kate snorted. Ana stared at her.

"Look, I know he's got a thing for you, but you aren't _that_ hot."

"I know that," Kate snickered again. "But Sawyer might be."

The two women turned to see where a frightened-looking Sawyer was leaning as far away from Jack's gentle ministrations as possible. For some reason, Jack was trying to convince him that a full medical examination would require the removal of his pants.

"I'd better go help him," Kate said with a twinkle in her eye. "Sawyer goes commando."

"Who you gonna help?" Ana yelled after her. "Trying to help Sawyer get away, or Jack get him naked?"

Kate just smiled and winked.

Meanwhile. . .

"Okay, I'll trade you one watch and a bra for Amy," Jess said. Ahab shook his head. "We can get more ransom from the other survivors."

"There were other survivors?" Jess sounded excited.

"Um. . .no. . ."

"LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO LEMME GO!"

Ahab winced. "Tell you what," he said. "I'll give you Amy back, if you also take the screaming blonde girl."

Jess hesitated for a moment. "I don't know. . ." she said slowly. Ahab looked desperate, though, so she took pity on him.

"Fine, give me both of them."

Meanwhile. . .

Sawyer finally escaped from Jack and enjoyed walking around without his shirt on. Until, that is, he noticed that Jin was doing the same. With a scowl, he buttoned his own shirt back up. Damn Korean, thought he was so smooth with them hairless, well-defined pecks. He could beat them any day.

Meanwhile. . .

"I think Alex might be alive," Danielle said suddenly.

"I think Calvin might still be alive," Desmond seconded.

"I'm still alive!" Boone told them. Everyone ignored him, as the security system continued to go fish.


End file.
